i've definitely gotten better at accepting myself the way i am. i'd like to be a little better at accepting others the way they are, too, and be more forgiving and compassionate when i feel betrayed or hurt by someone. when i feel someone has done me wrong or been a bad friend,i tend to be really unforgiving. it's not a good quality, but it's a defense mechanism... i guess i thought it was the only way not to get hurt again.
i'd like to learn how to be better than that, and learn how to both let go of hurt feelings and at the same time have good boundaries in place. (is it possible to be kind and not be a doormat? yes, i think it is possible. i want to learn this.) and i want to really learn that you can't change people, you can only change yourself. Sure I have heard this cliche' my whole life, but there's a big difference between hearing something and really really understand something. all you can change or control are your actions, your life, your responses, your behavior, your boundaries.
it's actually kind of a relief! i have enough work trying to change myself, people are going to do what they want to do, i want to really learn to accept it, and stop wishing things were different.. just live in what is, that sounds so good to me.
and in 2008 i want to keep my house mostly-always tidy so that i don't have to spend hours cleaning up and putting things away before someone can drop by. mainly this is a clutter issue. i still have more clutter than i want in my life and house, so that has GOT TO GO. i want to spend 2008 in a clean, tidy house so that I don't have to panic before guests arrive and a lot of that is just getting rid of the final mountain of clutter in my spare room/office/dumping ground. what a relief it will be to be able to have people over anytime without worrying if i have time to deep-clean the house. this may mean i have to get rid of more stuff i was holding onto and didn't want to part with... but it will be worth it. it is time to let go.
re-reading this, i guess my pondery listing all has to do with clearing out the old stuff and making clear paths to the new things i want! i definitely want a life that is less cluttered with junk both physical and emotional junk. just the pure, simple, good stuff, that's what i want more of. this past year was full of amazing great things and some very sad things, too. i want to learn from them both and make 2008 a happy year, more balanced, clearer. i want to hold onto more living and let go of loss with a little more grace. hope you have a good weekend.
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